Month: May 2024

Am I Responsible For All the Wackiness Going On?

5/16/24

As the whole entire world knows, I like to have fun. And one of the ways I do that is by poking fun at the travel industry in my blog. Of course, I also like to cartoon.

So, what happens when those two interests collide? I think the energy generated by my creative mind must send powerful shockwaves throughout the planet that bends reality to my will.

Before you call to make sure Donna is okay, let me explain.

On March 14, I drew a cartoon of myself huddled inside an airline overhead compartment. I wanted to make a joke about people’s insecurities when they travel.

Well, I guess I’ve got to be more careful about the things I draw because earlier this month a video of a woman inside a Southwest Airlines overhead compartment went viral. (See YouTube video below.)

Southwest currently has an open-seating policy, which means that passengers are assigned a boarding group and can choose any available seat when they enter the aircraft (versus reserving a seat). Even for a fee, Southwest won’t let you select a seat in advance.

Donna and I have traveled on Southwest Airlines plenty of times. Finding a seat can be a very exciting or a very stressful experience, depending on whether you are one of the first or the last people to board (so don’t fly Southwest if you’re not prepared for this). But we have never seen anyone overshoot the mark and climb straight into an overhead compartment.

Obviously, I feel responsible that a fan of my blog took my cartoons so literally. So, before anyone else thinks traveling like a piece of luggage is a good idea, let me tell you some of the ways that can backfire on you.

First of all, riding in the overhead won’t make a turbulent flight feel less turbulent. Plus, lets not forget that overheads aren’t equipped with oxygen masks in the event of an emergency. And, of course, those overhead bins don’t unlock from the inside. So, once you’re in, you’re going to miss out on little things like snack service and access to a bathroom.

Of course, the real reason you shouldn’t ride in an airline overhead (besides the danger of falling onto a stranger’s lap as you clamber onto an airplane seat or a tray table) is that you will definitely end up on the internet for all the wrong reasons.

So, if you’re going to copycat what I put in my cartoons, pick one of my safer ones, like the last cartoon I did where I gave my dogs lightsabers to play with. No one ever gets hurt playing with those.

#lifeimitatesMike

Bad Guys Will Shoot Anybody…Or Any Dog

5/15/24

The Great Pyrenees is a large, thickly coated, immensely strong mountain dogs standing as high as 32 inches at the shoulder and often tipping the scales at more than 100 pounds. Bred to fight off sheep-stealing wolves, these dogs are mellow companions and vigilant guardians. The one in the photo ended up in a shelter in Acadia Parish, LA after having one of the most horrible days you can imagine.

A few weeks ago, he was dumped out of a car. Okay, being abandoned is a heartless act, but at least he was unharmed. It turns out that being abandoned was the highlight of his day. After he was dumped, someone else came by and shot him in the knee. Son of a….!

Louisiana! Who’s running your state, the Mob? Shooting a dog in the kneecap? Did he owe someone some money?

Thankfully, witnesses to the events came to the dog’s rescue and called Animal Control, who arrived on scene to find an Acadia Parish Deputy consoling the injured dog. (Did he get a statement from the dog about who could’ve done such a monstrous thing?) The dog was then transported to a veterinary clinic where surgery was performed. The clinic discovered that a small caliber bullet had entered the dog’s kneecap and exited behind the same knee.

The dog is now living at a shelter, where he is expected to make a complete recovery, and has been renamed Luca (according to the rules of the canine witness-protection program, I suppose). As of yet, the individuals who threw Luca out of their car and popped a cap in his knee have yet to be located.

But whether it was part of a drug deal gone bad or whether Luca made a pass at the Mob boss’ dog, the crime may never be solved. I suspect a cat was behind the trigger.

#thecopsshouldputtogetheracatlineup

Happy Birthday, George Lucas

5/14/24

Today George Lucas turns 80. In case you’re just waking up from a coma, Lucas is the person responsible for the Star Wars and Indiana Jones movies, which I’m sure weren’t easy to make. He must have worked very hard and made many sacrifices to be able to create those franchises. (Although he may have gotten the idea for Yoda from me. Have you seen my ears?)

But, as famous as Lucas is for being a director, I was surprised to learn that he’s only directed six movies (and only four of the nine Star Wars movies). Still, in those early days of filmmaking, Lucas became known as a workaholic. His work even got between him and his wife. Can you imagine trying to decide between spending time with your wife and spending time in the Star Wars universe?

Lucas’ wife eventually suggested they see a marriage counselor, but he refused the idea. She later suggested a trial separation, but he rejected that as well and begged her to wait until the last Star Wars film was done.

“Just let me blow up the Death Star one last time. I promise to take you on vacation after that.”

I don’t need to tell you who won that argument. Lucas got his movies, Lucas’ wife got her divorce. Of course, Lucas’ fortunes have improved since those early days. He’s since gotten remarried and is now the world’s richest celebrity billionaire with a whopping $5.5 billion net worth, topping Forbes’ annual ranking of the wealthiest A-listers. Much of that wealth can be attributed to his 2012 sale of LucasFilm to Disney in a deal worth more than $4 billion. (I guess it’ll be Mickey Mouse’s turn to blow up the Death Star next.)

To give you an idea how rich Lucas is, not even Steven Spielberg, Tyler Perry, Michael Jordan, Oprah, LeBron James, Tiger Woods, nor Kim Kardashian can touch his net worth.

And it all started with an idea, about a kid who flies around in space with a princess and a smuggler trying to find out who his dad is. I can do that. Move over George Lucas. Get ready for a movie about my two dogs in space.

#PeteandSophieWars

I Can’t Miss This Opportunity to Write About Mom

5/13/24

I’m a day late to write about Mother’s Day, but don’t worry. No sad stories today. I miss my mom, but I’m also extremely grateful for her. Besides, this weekend was a lot of fun. I didn’t lose on Saturday during family game night, plus we had a great Mother’s Day restaurant outing on Sunday, and to add to that the house looks like an arboretum from all the bouquets of flowers Donna has received. (She’s received so many flowers, jealous bees are buzzing our windows offering their pollination services.)

Back to my mom.

Unless she wasn’t feeling well, mom was a smiling, happy person who consistently fussed about how her hair looked whenever we took photos (I see where I get that from now). The other thing she was known for was calling her sons “sonny boy” (but never when we were in the same room together, so I thought the nickname was just for me, and they did too). For years, my brothers and I walked around feeling superior to each other.

In reality, as mom aged, it was probably just easier for her to call us “sonny boy” than to try to remember our individual names. But that doesn’t mean we weren’t special to her, judging by the way she continued to buy us things long after we no longer lived with her. The notorious bargain hunter in her couldn’t help herself. If she ever spotted something in the clothing stores that she thought we could use, she purchased it.

I would walk through her door to be greeted by, “Here try this on. See if it fits you.”

She spoiled us all and showed us amazing love, sometimes in mysterious ways. My favorite story, which I’ve mentioned on this blog once, was when I roped my mom into helping me get out of work. It was during my college days when I worked as a telemarketer.

I hated selling products over the phone. Correction: I hated being told off by angry customers while I tried to sell products over the phone. I was just no good at it. I would break out into a sweat and stutter through all my calls.

“Good morning… or afternoon… or evening, Mr. or Mrs. Smith. I don’t need to tell you how much you love TV Guide Magazine…”

Then, “click,” they’d hang up. (I guess I really should’ve have said, “I don’t need to tell you…”)

Anyway, on one particular shift, when I was especially tired of all the hang ups and the nasty comments, I decided that I couldn’t take it any longer. I devised a plan where I would ask a friend to pretend to be a relative and call my boss about an emergency at home. But I couldn’t think of a friend who would do that for me. So, I did the next best thing: I asked a real relative to bail me out. I called my mom.

I had never asked my mom to lie for me. Even though there was no hesitation in her voice when I asked, would she actually do it? I was on pins and needles. I was stunned when my boss called me into her office.

“Your mom says your dad is sick. Go on and take the rest of the day off.”

Yes, I felt badly for making up a sick-dad story, but don’t judge young Michael until you’ve walked in his telemarketer shoes.

The point is that my mom came through for me. She got me out of a real jam. (I never did go back to that job, so that I could untangle myself from that web of lies I’d started.)

And that’s why I will never forget that day, the day when mom was more than a mom to me. She was my friend. She was my hero.

Okay, yeah, she was my accomplice too.

#IblameTVGuideMagazine

You Think You Have It Rough Until You See What Rough Looks Like

5/7/24

Yesterday marked the 87th anniversary of the Hindenburg disaster. The Hindenburg was a German dirigible (also called a zeppelin), the largest rigid airship ever constructed. In 1937 it caught fire while attempting a landing in Lakehurst, NJ (nothing good ever happens in Jersey) and 35 of the 97 passengers and crew died. One person on the ground also died (probably because they thought they had time to run away from a falling balloon).

So, the next time you’re traveling and you’re stuck in traffic, or the train is delayed, or they run out of Diet Coke on your airline traveling at 500 mph, think for a second before you complain. The people who came before you used to travel by blimp.

And they probably didn’t complain either. Imagine telling your friends that you floated over their house and saw how small their pool looked? To travel by airship was cool. The Hindenburg’s passengers could travel from Europe to North and South America in half the time of the fastest ocean liner, and they traveled in luxurious accommodations the airlines couldn’t match.

But after more than 30 years of passenger travel—and tens of thousands of passengers flying over a million miles on more than 2,000 flights without a single injury—the era of the passenger airship was over in a few fiery minutes.

One spark of electricity.

A balloon filled with hydrogen.

Boom.

If you’ve never watched a video of the disaster, watch the YouTube video below (it’s only a minute long). For some reason, I guess because Americans were so awestruck by zeppelins, there was a broadcast of the event. That’s where you hear the famous line, “Oh, the humanity!“

But my favorite line is when the broadcaster says “I can’t talk, ladies and gentlemen” as he continues to talk. He is, of course, terribly emotional about what he’s witnessing.

You don’t find that kind of emotionality in today’s travel. Flying has become almost boring—that is, or course, unless you’re on a Boeing plane. In that case, start those cameras rolling.

#RandygetsatoyzeppelininAChristmasStory

Living Well is the Best Revenge

5/6/24

In case you were wondering how those bear cubs are doing who were forcibly removed from a tree to pose with selfie-takers in April, one of the bear cubs is supposedly doing well at an animal sanctuary (the other bear cub hasn’t been found; see my post titled Un-Bearable). The press is reporting the story as a happy ending, but is it really?

I’m sure the Appalachian Wildlife Refuge, where the bear is being rehabbed (or should I say “habbed,” due to its young age), is a lovely place. But an orphaned bear is still an orphaned bear. To its credit, the refuge allows cubs to gain weight and learn survival skills before they are released into the wild at about 7-8 months old, and they make sure that their bear residents have the ability to search for food (brought in daily) before they are released.

But is that really what the bear wants? Has someone asked the bear? If they did, I imagine a TV interview would go something like this:

INTERVIEWER: We’re here with the famous orphaned bear cub. Can you tell over viewers how you’re doing?

BEAR: It’s been unbearable. By the way, I can say that. You can’t.

INTERVIEWER: Understood. You must miss your mom and your sibling. I assume you have some choice words for those people who pulled you from the tree.

BEAR: Grrrrrrr…..

INTERVIEWER: Understood. But you know what they say about the best revenge, don’t you? Living well is the best revenge.

BEAR: Oh, really? Is that what you humans say when you’re yanked from the hiding spot where your mom painstakingly put you while she went to find dinner? Oh, that doesn’t happen to you because if someone did grab you that would result in kidnapping and possibly human trafficking charges? I had a lot of mother’s milk coming to me. Who’s going to give me that, you?

INTERVIEWER: I can see the wounds are still fresh. Let’s move on. When the wildlife refuge releases you, what are your plans?

BEAR: You mean will I be able to survive without the benefits of parental involvement and become a respected member of society, or will I focus every fiber of my being on getting payback for what happened to me? Say what you mean!

INTERVIEWER: Uh…

(Bear grabs the microphone.)

BEAR: If you’re watching this, you selfie sickos, I’m coming to get you! I’m going to find out where you live, drag you out of your house, take pictures, post them on social media… and then I’m going to start acting like a bear!

Yikes. The orphaned bear is expected to be released into the wild this fall. I would advise certain someones to mark their calendars accordingly.

#YogitheBar-Bearian